It’s very possible these days to communicate with anyone all over the world as well as the person right next to you, without speaking a word. You could have laryngitis or a mouthful of spaghetti and easily get your point across. Thanks to smartphones, tablets and social media, we don’t have to physically talk to each other anymore. Similarly, you can send someone an emoticon of a kissy face and not actually have to taste their onion breathe or ruin your lipstick, yet, they will totally understand that you love them. That was what you were trying to get across, right? Sure you guys have only exchanged texts for a week but everyone knows that yellow face with the red kissy lips means “I love you.” If you didn’t mean it, a simple smiley would have sufficed. Crap. You didn’t mean it. Well, you can’t take it back now! The text conversation you were trying to end 10 minutes ago will continue on for at least another 30 minutes because you picked the wrong emoticon. And now you may even have to *GASP!* call to explain yourself. All of this could have been avoided (or fixed as the case may be now) with a tangible, physical, find-a-real-pen-to-sign-it, greeting card. Not just any card. A greeting card that can keep up with the smartass, funny and trendy lifestyle you lead. An understandable and definite card that will never be mistaken for an “I love you” when you clearly mean, “You’re the coolest and I enjoy spending time with you occasionally.” And that’s what we do here at Quiplip, we make cards that say exactly what you mean to say in exactly the way you want to say it. Our cards will inspire you to spice things up, put your phone down for a nanosecond, and genuinely communicate with people again.
Whether you love them for the excuse to celebrate or hate them for the cultural appropriation and blatant exploitation of once-sacred religious traditions, holidays are a huge part of our culture, and they’re not going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, I think there aren’t enough. Here are ten holidays that aren’t currently celebrated in the United States that I think we should consider adding to our calendar:
10. Vegan Day
Americans love making our holidays about food, but right now we’re exclusively meat oriented: turkey for Thanksgiving, ham for Christmas, and hot dogs for the 4th of July. But what if there was a day we could devote to consuming fresh fruits and vegetables in feast-like quantities? I think most Americans would realize that the vegan lifestyle isn’t such a scary possibility after all.
9. Thank You Note Day
To be celebrated after Christmas. The Canadians have Boxing Day, but let’s face it, I’m not going to box up any of my Christmas gifts and donate them to charity. Instead, I’m down to throw a post-Christmas thank-you-note brunch. Anyone care to join me? I’ll bring the stationary.
8. Cleaning Lady Appreciation Day
Some people work so hard for no credit and terrible pay, and they do it all to make sure your stinky socks aren’t all over the floor and you don’t get dust on your feet when you walk through the kitchen. Let’s have a day where we write her a card, buy her a gift, or even go over to her house and do a load of laundry.
7. Godfather’s Day
No, this isn’t a holiday devoted to appreciating the Catholic’s symbolic family member. It’s a holiday where if you’re over the age of 16 and you haven’t seen the Francis Ford Coppola movie, it’s time. Get together with your neighbors that have also been living under rocks and let your friends and family shower you with cards welcoming you into the world.
6. Peyton Manning Day
Look, our presidents get a holiday, Martin Luther King gets a holiday, and traditionally all the saints got holidays. America’s most beloved football player should have one too, and if you disagree, move to Canada and go watch a hockey game or something.
5. Take Your Parents to School Day
Take Your Kid to Work Day is all fine and dandy, but it’s also important to learn how the other half lives. Maybe if your mom sees how much homework your AP Euro teacher assigns a night or how difficult your Physiology teacher is to understand, she might cut you some slack back at home.
4. Siblings Get Along Day
You might be a brat or cause your parents endless grief, but come Mother’s Day, there you are with a card and breakfast in bed. Why can’t we do the same things for our siblings, just once a year?
3. Mothers of Teenage Daughters Day
Look, I’m sure raising two boys was sooo challenging for you, and having an adorable two-year-old girl going through her princess-phase entitles you to a day of cards and Instagram shout-outs, but trust me, women who have survived raising teenage daughters deserve a special day all to themselves.
2. Fathers of Teenage Daughters Day
They need some special recognition too, but for an entirely different reason. As the saying goes: “A boy’s father only needs to worry about one penis. A girl’s father needs to worry about all the rest of them.”
1. Social Media Blackout Day
Just the thought of this is glorious to me. Imagine: for one day, everyone is present, no one texts while you’re talking to them, and you don’t have to worry about capturing the perfect filter for your #foodporn. If this became a thing, Social Media Blackout Day would be my favorite day of the year.