Author Archives: quiplip

Greeting Cards We Desperately Need

Greeting cards are nice and everything, and they’re appropriate for almost any occasion, especially if they contain money. They’re not always honest, however, though these come pretty close. If we were really saying what was on our minds, we would have store bought well wishes with options like these: 10

10. “I’m like really busy, so this means a lot coming from me.”

Who has time to send greeting cards these days? Who even remembers birthdays anymore, with Facebook alerting you every time your friend is celebrating one? We should really be able to send out cards that emphasize just what a big deal it is that we managed to actually go to the store, read all the options, pick one out, find a stamp (who uses stamps anymore? Do we even know how much they cost now? Mine just say “forever”) and remember to drop it off at the post office. 9

9. “Good luck with middle school, kid.”

These days we have cards to celebrate every type of graduation, from college all the way down to kindergarten. Sure, kids should be congratulated and recognized for their achievements, but they could also use a well-wishing pep talk to psych them up for the low point of their lives: middle school. 8

8. “Welcome back!”

This would be a useful little greeting for parents to send to their children that return from a stint of atheism to the church they grew up in as kids. To be sent out when considering things like marriage or whether or not to baptize their babies. I know my mom would have liked to have one to send to me. 7

7. “Congratulations on your divorce!”

We have so many greeting cards congratulating happy couples on tying the knot, but with divorce rates so high and the legal/emotional tolls the proceedings take on each party, they often leave both sides financially and emotionally drained, not to mention relieved. Friends should really take this time to congratulate a divorced friend on surviving the whole ordeal.

source: Beauty Riot

source: Beauty Riot

6. “My condolences: Sorry about your bangs.”

Every woman at some point in her life decides to get bangs for some reason, and unless you’re Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, this is a terrible idea, one that she immediately regrets but can do nothing to fix until they grow out. We need a way for women to tell their friends that they’re by their side and will only make a maximum of three jokes about this unfortunate hairstyle before moving on and distracting her. Preferably with alcohol.

source: Pinterest

source: Pinterest

5. “My condolences: Sorry your kid went vegan.”

I feel like this is a parent’s nightmare. Now whenever their children come home to visit, mom is forced to whip up a complicated menu of mostly rabbit food, and will, despite her best efforts, still end up feeling like she’s starving her child. Or worse, she’ll forget that cheese isn’t vegan and feel guilty all evening. We need to show these parents that our thoughts and prayers are with them.

4. “Happy Drinking Day!”

4th of July, Cinco de Mayo, St. Patrick’s Day. None of these holidays really merit a card, but they do merit a reminder that any holiday is an excuse to drink. We need a stash of these to keep in our desk, to send out with an invitation to the next themed pregame. Need even more excuses to drink? Check out these celebrations that aren’t holidays, but should be.

3. “Sorry you couldn’t have a bar mitzvah too.”

These should be sent to all non-Jewish kids lucky enough to attend a friend’s rite of passage ceremony and celebration. Sure, the parties are fun, but where’s our money? This would be an extremely thoughtful way for any Jewish 13-year-old to send a thank-you card to his/her Christian friends who might be bitter that “My Super Sweet 16″ was never really a thing. How many of us actually got a car? Exactly. Now we have to wait until graduation to get a stack of cash that big. Life’s tough.

2. “I won’t help you with your move (but here’s a card instead).”

Sometimes our friends embark on exciting transitions and new life adventures. We should be able to express our friendship and support without having to loan them our truck. Or our hands. Or our time and effort. Moving sucks, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad friends for not wanting to help.

source: Kate Barnes

source: Kate Barnes

1. “Congratulations on paying off all your student loans!”

Seriously, why isn’t this as big a deal as it should be? Forget graduation, this is easily the best day in any college student’s postgrad life. Throw a party. Get some cards. If they have money in them, you can use that cash to buy a blazer that costs more than $20, without feeling guilty about not giving it straight to the bank.

Never Underestimate the Power of a Thank You Note

I Hate Everyone

Thank you notes are a dying art. It’s a pity because they take literally ten minutes of your time, and people are SO IMPRESSED when you give them one. Seriously, the bar is that low, not to mention there’s some really cute stationery out there that can actually make writing thank you notes fun. Don’t believe me? Check out some of these.

Thank you notes are so important that I even suggested the entire day after Christmas be a holiday devoted entirely to writing them, but until that happens, you’re just going to have to do them on your own.

Thank You Notes

Not sure when thank-you notes are appropriate? (Dear mom, thank you for buying me that fifth shot…) Don’t worry. I’ve put together some tips brought to you buy the very trustworthy etiquette expert, the late Letitia Baldrige, as presented in her book New Manners for New Times. Don’t look up her resume. It’ll just make you feel depressed and inadequate. Just trust me when I say she’s an expert when it comes to being polite.

You should send a thank-you note–even if it’s very short and informal–every time you are:

  • given a present
  • sent flowers
  • asked to lunch or dinner
  • invited for a weekend
  • asked to a concert, the opera, the theater, even a movie
  • the recipient of a favor (i.e. if someone writes you a letter of recommendation, refers a client to you, finds you an apartment, or introduces you to your future husband)

A thank-you note can be as short as three sentences:

Dear Amanda,

Thank you for acting so crazy all the time. You’re making me look sane and beautiful. I enjoy all your tweets.




One final note: a lot of times when people receive a ton of gifts, for a birthday, Christmas, or religious celebration, they send out canned responses to everyone, something along the lines of “Thank you for your nice gift. It was very sweet of you, and I appreciate it.”


If you really did like the gift, elaborate on why you love it. Tell them a funny story about the first time you use it. Express so much enthusiasm that you make them excited to get you another gift sometime. Don’t you want that?

If you feel silly writing thank-you notes, it might help to use stationery that’s a little snarky, so your friends know it really is from you.  Seriously though, if you take away one thing from this article, it’s that if you are under the age of 30 and you write a thank-you note to anyone of any age, they will be floored by you. Easy points. Rack ‘em up. You’re welcome.

Top Ten Holidays That Don’t Exist, But Should

Whether you love them for the excuse to celebrate or hate them for the cultural appropriation and blatant exploitation of once-sacred religious traditions, holidays are a huge part of our culture, and they’re not going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, I think there aren’t enough. Here are ten holidays that aren’t currently celebrated in the United States that I think we should consider adding to our calendar:

10. Vegan Day

Americans love making our holidays about food, but right now we’re exclusively meat oriented: turkey for Thanksgiving, ham for Christmas, and hot dogs for the 4th of July. But what if there was a day we could devote to consuming fresh fruits and vegetables in feast-like quantities? I think most Americans would realize that the vegan lifestyle isn’t such a scary possibility after all.


9. Thank You Note Day

To be celebrated after Christmas. The Canadians have Boxing Day, but let’s face it, I’m not going to box up any of my Christmas gifts and donate them to charity. Instead, I’m down to throw a post-Christmas thank-you-note brunch. Anyone care to join me? I’ll bring the stationary.

8. Cleaning Lady Appreciation Day

Some people work so hard for no credit and terrible pay, and they do it all to make sure your stinky socks aren’t all over the floor and you don’t get dust on your feet when you walk through the kitchen. Let’s have a day where we write her a card, buy her a gift, or even go over to her house and do a load of laundry.

source: Cloud Front

source: Cloud Front

7. Godfather’s Day

No, this isn’t a holiday devoted to appreciating the Catholic’s symbolic family member. It’s a holiday where if you’re over the age of 16 and you haven’t seen the Francis Ford Coppola movie, it’s time. Get together with your neighbors that have also been living under rocks and let your friends and family shower you with cards welcoming you into the world.

source: ABC News

source: ABC News

6. Peyton Manning Day

Look, our presidents get a holiday, Martin Luther King gets a holiday, and traditionally all the saints got holidays. America’s most beloved football player should have one too, and if you disagree, move to Canada and go watch a hockey game or something.

5. Take Your Parents to School Day

Take Your Kid to Work Day is all fine and dandy, but it’s also important to learn how the other half lives. Maybe if your mom sees how much homework your AP Euro teacher assigns a night or how difficult your Physiology teacher is to understand, she might cut you some slack back at home.

source: Blogspot

source: Blogspot

4. Siblings Get Along Day

You might be a brat or cause your parents endless grief, but come Mother’s Day, there you are with a card and breakfast in bed. Why can’t we do the same things for our siblings, just once a year?

3. Mothers of Teenage Daughters Day

Look, I’m sure raising two boys was sooo challenging for you, and having an adorable two-year-old girl going through her princess-phase entitles you to a day of cards and Instagram shout-outs, but trust me, women who have survived raising teenage daughters deserve a special day all to themselves.

source: Images

source: Images

2. Fathers of Teenage Daughters Day

They need some special recognition too, but for an entirely different reason. As the saying goes: “A boy’s father only needs to worry about one penis. A girl’s father needs to worry about all the rest of them.”

source: Media Bistro

source: Media Bistro

1. Social Media Blackout Day

Just the thought of this is glorious to me. Imagine: for one day, everyone is present, no one texts while you’re talking to them, and you don’t have to worry about capturing the perfect filter for your #foodporn. If this became a thing, Social Media Blackout Day would be my favorite day of the year.